Damsel turned Dame

as my sanity slips away,

more of my hair turns gray.

my complexion loses its vigor

i don’t remember ever being this color

this ghastly shade of insecurity,

this ghostly state of impurity

for my mind wanders off into its own depths,

it thinks dirty things to keep the memories fresh.

i live off of thoughts that drive me insane

and enjoy my demise, for your absence

is a flame

the sort that can turn a poor damsel

into a ravishing dame

the sort that keeps me warm and alive

the kind that won’t let me avert my eyes

i am hurting, damp

i am lonely and afraid

i am a sinister tramp

the very tip of the blade

yes, i am sharp and pointed

i can do much harm

i am angry and startled

i am cause for alarm

I am a woman scathed,

I am a force of absolute terror,

I am at the lowest point in my life,

(and I have never been better.)

Advertisements

Actualization.

God.

He wants to prove to me that

he’s there

he’s here

there is divine energy all around me

and it controls everything

that nothing is coincidental

that destiny has me wrapped around her

little finger

that i know nothing

because i know

that there was nothing

that I wanted more

than this.

and just as i began my departure

from my dream,

my fantasy

it walked up to me and looked me in my eyes

it sent chills through my bones,

it grazed my soul and made its way down my spine

delirium.

i am speechless.

i do not know what to make of this

nor what i did to deserve it

beautiful.

i am as whole as ive ever been

i am as complete as i’ll ever be

no more excuses,

he’s left me none

i look destiny in the eyes,

i am, as much as i am capable of being,

Actualized.

The Compromise of the Lotus Flower 🌺

slip inside the dream,

i move further back

you place us in the nick of time,

i settle in and admire your knack

you finally come to join me

present me with gifts, you’re Saint Nick

and then, for a moment, i am left to wonder

what is meant to happen next

you are nearer now, and my body tingles

in anticipation of your touch

you ask me if I want you any closer,

you’re the only kind of sin I could ever trust

and then it’s happening

I am absolutely on fire,

to the very core of me

and you are so wise, with your learned hands

the pleasure makes it hard to breathe

you know I’m wrapped around your finger,

you guide me through your own desire

you reveal yourself to me entirely,

and all I can do is admire

i test my own limits in your influence

i choose the wrong path, quietly

i used to want simpler things

but i no longer have the patience

i am little and timid

i am soft and scared

i just wanna make you proud

i just wanna please you

i am yours to bend and break

keep going,

don’t you dare stop

love me,

like me,

talk to me,

i am yours

abuse me,

beseech me

my lord,

your wish is my command.

Absolution.

sinning tasted like peaches

the ones i knew better than to touch

and now everything that seemed to matter,

is dissolving into nothing-dust.

animalistic desire

i choke on my own lust

warmth of pleasure prepares me for hellfire,

beautiful lies I was stupid enough to trust

because absolution is a mirage,

a funny puzzle on which my mind fixates

I am no more whole now than I ever was

but I’ve hardened, from emerald to jade

I feel more like a woman than I ever have

disenchantment provides me with clarity

I realize that what I really am is ashamed

Ashamed and afraid

of what I’ve been, what I’ve done

of who I am

of who I’m not

of the time I’ve wasted,

chasing dreams and playing with fire

of always prioritizing my ridiculous sentiments and fleeting desires

And I hope, with all my heart, that I’ll be able to change

that I’ll make myself proud and be happy someday

that I’ll like who I am and not look elsewhere for validation

that I’ll be at peace and finally see clearly,

that the kindness and pure intentions of those that matter will one day be more than enough for me.

Pygmalion

the object of your desire

is an object nonetheless

i sit in a pool of my own fatigue and self hatred,

when did the nature of lust become so limitless?

satisfaction is an urban myth

a voice inside knows where the path leads

and yet my sensibility turns a blind eye,

it revels in its refusal to take heed

but an object of desire

is an object still

and this is the sharp truth

the one that eats through my soul, the one that sends chills

my body turns to stone, my mind to ash

i am the flower you killed

the one you plucked for its beauty

because your adoration is not love

your adoration is possession

and though i wither in your asphyxiating grasp

i am glad that you chose me,

i take pride in my death.

Greed

Anticipation,

my patience grows thin.

And it’s different this time,

a slow-churned blend of truth and lies,

The hunger, a fire,

a flame that won’t subside.

I am giving more and more of myself

I am testing limits I didn’t dare ponder before

I am tasting the honeyed dew of mutiny,

I am reveling in the forbidden nature of my own pleasure.

And I live in the shadows lately,

where hedonism thrives

I am pompous and arrogant,

I look Satan in the eyes.

And he guides me accordingly,

down the path of the unwise,

where I’m ushered into a madness,

a slippery slope, a slimy ride.

peachbones🍑✨

cheekbones like peaches,

smile so keen

soul so beautiful,

so unmistakably clean.

       tongue like candy,

       body so strong

       hands so kind,

       an earthly charm.

A man with morals,

ethics and candor

with cheekbones like peaches,

a mind as colorful as reefs of coral. 

       He’s got cheekbones like peaches,

       I just wanna take a bite,

       to eat him up if he’ll let me 

       (and I think he just might).