It’s late. I’m sleepy, but I felt there was something I needed to say. I can’t quite remember what it is anymore, I’ll probably end up dreaming about it though.
I guess I’ve been thinking about how tired I am of pain, in all its forms. The process of feeling, completely, is no longer something I think I have the energy to maintain simply for its sake.
There’s pretty music playing somewhere in the back of my mind now, feels like the start of something new, something less still, something rather than nothing.
I am finding that it is time to make the transition into living for myself, I am excited at the prospect of discovering what that will mean.
I believe I am finally ready to emerge from the ashes of my former self, anew.
I am allowing myself to sink comfortably into the river of my self, no longer afraid. It is not that I have learned to swim. Rather, I now know that drowning is an essential experience. The world beneath the water is dreamier than that above it.
I am ready to find out what I’ve missed on the pursuit to achieve what never existed.
I am transforming. I am learning, slowly, what it means to live.