Pre-REM

It’s late. I’m sleepy, but I felt there was something I needed to say. I can’t quite remember what it is anymore, I’ll probably end up dreaming about it though.

I guess I’ve been thinking about how tired I am of pain, in all its forms. The process of feeling, completely, is no longer something I think I have the energy to maintain simply for its sake.

There’s pretty music playing somewhere in the back of my mind now, feels like the start of something new, something less still, something rather than nothing. 

I am finding that it is time to make the transition into living for myself, I am excited at the prospect of discovering what that will mean. 

I believe I am finally ready to emerge from the ashes of my former self, anew. 

I am allowing myself to sink comfortably into the river of my self, no longer afraid. It is not that I have learned to swim. Rather, I now know that drowning is an essential experience. The world beneath the water is dreamier than that above it. 

I am ready to find out what I’ve missed on the pursuit to achieve what never existed. 

I am transforming. I am learning, slowly, what it means to live. 

Cultivation of Pain

Newfound radiance, I’m learning to feel again

New set of eyes, I think I can see again

Though lost still we remain

Something slowly emerges from the ashes 

Hope 

And hope rises 

So too do we 

 Up and up, higher 

We are elated, for the moment

Let’s enjoy this 

He is there 

I am here 

We remain seperate 

Let’s learn to make our peace with that

Peace we used to know

Peace we are learning to cultivate once again

From the pain 

Yes, 

Let us cultivate hope and peace from the pain we didn’t know what to do with yesterday 

Let us give it purpose 

Sway of the Pendulum 

Forgetting what it feels like to believe in magic 

To have hope 

To have faith 

To have the will to continue to live 

For the sake of it 

Because the beauty in that is evident

Because we have the ability to 

Forgetting what it feels like to want to 

To have aspirations beyond what is necessary 

Beyond what is plain 

Beyond what is easy

I am crumbling 

From the inside out 

I am perishing 

What I was is not what I am 

What I am 

Is gone