I come so close, it crumbles.
Right back to where I always begin, in pain.
Ripped tendons, torn ligaments,
Nothing I come to love ever seems to end the way I’d like.
I’ll convince myself of anger,
to rid myself of melancholia
I’ll distract myself with words,
to put off the torment I know I feel
my body, my soul, my heart
things have gone very wrong
I’ve amassed enough heartache to keep myself writhing for centuries,
and such anguish is born when I realize that it was never meant to be
that I play tricks on my mind just to keep it alive
that I still hold him in my good graces in the deep of the night
that I willingly bleed incessantly, just to emulate the high
that I stand before the mirror and cannot bear to look into my own eyes
For I am shattered, broken, cracked, withered
I am lonely, insecure, timid, unsure
And of the whole person that started, all that remains is a sliver
She was innocent in her ignorance, my knowledge paints me impure
She was confident in herself, I don’t know anymore
She was willing to test limits, I stand frozen in horror
And so I walk away from my desires, heart filled to the brim with pain
I was destined for this ache, I must endure it with grace